Thoughts from the In Between

The In Between.  That's where we are at.  Repeatedly, Scott and I have this conversation about how I am struggling to keep our house clean, and why.  And it ends in, we are maintaining while we are in the In Between.  In Between what, you ask?  Well, home.  Job.  Debt. 

I don't blog because we (Or I) have been in survival mode.  I struggle each week just to get the house clean enough for Bible Study.  Just cooking is a huge task.  I tried all week to make a menu and shopping list.  I finally got it done, but I haven't put the meals together yet.  (I chose to make a list of freezer meals that I could put together and then pull out of the freezer and cook).  Then there are dishes to be done, and everything to be put away.  And there is not enough counter space to do dishes and cook at the same time. 

We daily feel the pull to be back in ministry full time.  We just aren't sure what that looks like.  We are very....  careful about the type of church we want to be a part of.  And personally,  I like the roots we have put down here.  While I know we will be in ministry at some point, I want to also enjoy the life we have now. 

Currently we are working on getting out of debt.  We are finally getting traction there.  All the medical bills are paid off, the student loan for a masters degree is almost done, and our credit cards are put away and combined into a low interest loan.  We are cash only, and I like it.  I listen to Dave Ramsey nearly daily.  Bianca has gotten to where she asks if we can listen to it.  And when we are out shopping, and she asks for something, if I say no, its not in our budget, she immediately asks if it's so that we can "yell on Dave Ramsey?"  I love it! 

Our home is... small, but enough.  I can't say I don't wish for more space.  We are a family of 5 living in a two bedroom apartment.  We stay here in order to work out our debt pay off more quickly.  But it is not easy.  We have the equal of at least three rooms in our one living space.  Try keeping that clean and picked up.  Three kids' toys.  The kitchen table.  An office.  And everything else you would have in your living area.    I am learning the difference between giving myself grace and giving myself an excuse.  Some days are better than others.  Some days I wish for the clean, neat home that I had when we were a family of 4 in our three bedroom ranch.  I miss it.  I will be SO grateful and appreciative when we finally have a full sized home. 

It is only by grace that we are here.  We could have chosen another, easier path, but we may not have been following God's plan for our lives.  It is hard, and yet, we have learned and grown so much in our spiritual lives.  I just have to remind myself of these things.  Often. 

I'm not having a light bulb moment here.  I'm just sharing what's real in our lives right now.  Its hard.  Sometimes, it is not fun.  But its life.  I'm with my family.  I love them.